Proposed Actionable Items to Take Under Advisement in 2014

gavel2-570x371The Board of Trustees of this writing/editing single proprietorship has convened, debated according to Robert’s Rule of Order, and agreed upon a list of proposed guidelines and actionable items for the upcoming calendar year. We agree to add these items into the public record and indemnify ourselves to be accountable for their delivery.

BadLaurie1. Bound reading material constructed from paper (hereafter referred to as “print books”) shall not be used as coasters, doorstops, or weapons, except in clear-cut cases of self-defense. Although in the creation of same, weapons may be used at the discretion of the author, particularly in clear-cut cases of self-defense. (See Appendix #1, Woodchippers and Crossbows.)

2. Following up on complaints from the IT department, beverages are not to be placed adjacent to the computer’s input devices. The consumption of food near the computer shall be limited to those items that will not interfere with the integrity of the devices. And especially not Doritos or similar snack foods. (See Appendix #2, removal of grease and artificial colors from input devices; and #3, A Projection of Hip Girth Over Time vs. Physical Limitations of Chair.)

3. Pursuant to additional complaints from the IT department, beverages are not to be consumed while reading Chuck Wendig’s blog posts. Other blog posts may also apply, including those by Stephen Hise, KS Brooks, or Rich Meyer. Reasonable analytical action must be taken prior to consumption of beverages.

4. Continuing directive from last three calendar years, authors engaging the services of the editing component of the single proprietorship shall have the full and undivided attention of the editing component when installed at the computer with author’s manuscript open and actionable.

5. When the editing component of the writing/editing single proprietorship is installed at the computer, the Chicago Manual of Style (hereafter referred to as “CMOS”) shall be within comfortable ergonomic distance. (See Appendix #4, Chiropractic and Physical Therapy Expenses.)

6. All reasonable attempts will be made not to drop aforementioned CMOS on unprotected extremities, fragile items, or the unprotected extremities of the adjunct resident design single proprietorship, hereafter referred to as “spouse.” Unless needed for reasonable attempts at self-defense. (Note: Refer to Point #1.)

7. When seated, if the axis of the writer or editor component tips beyond ninety (90) degrees forward or if the eyelids of same begin descent, immediate action must be taken to remedy the situation. (See Appendix #5, Sleep; or Appendix #6, Caffeine.)

These rules have been reviewed and approved by all members of the Board this last day of December 2013. Meeting adjourned.

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About laurieboris

Writer, editor, proofreader, stand-up comedian in another life.
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9 Responses to Proposed Actionable Items to Take Under Advisement in 2014

  1. Well, crap. The board of directors of my single proprietorship has seen these, and now they’re clamoring for a similar list. Particularly in regard to numbers 2 and 3. And they seem very interested in #5, as well, now that the single proprietorship has amended the budget to include a copy of CMOS. ;)

  2. (salutes) “Yes, Ma’am.”

  3. acflory says:

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! So laughing out loud, Laurie! New Year’s Resolutions have never been so funny. :D

  4. dvberkom says:

    Nice. I especially like #3….

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