Boy, working in Congress these days is hard! The hours can be long, it’s got a high turnover rate and you have to read lots of stuff (well, at least hire people to read stuff for you), but it’s got a totally rad gym where you can take partially-naked pictures of yourself to send to strangers. Now another of its brethren finds itself caught red-handed then pink-slipped. And unfortunately, the only jobs Weiner has ever had were in politics. Unless he wants to take up Larry Flynt on his offer or nab that gig with Entourage, he may need some career coaching. Until he can worm his way back into his constituent’s and Nancy Pelosi’s hearts, perhaps he might want to take one of these interim positions uniquely suited to his particular skills:
1. Underwear model. At least we know he wears some.
2. Photographer’s assistant. He’s already an amateur set dresser.
3. Social media consultant. Many a Police Department has called upon the consulting services of an ex-con to help catch bad guys. Weiner could tour colleges, professional sports teams, and other government entities, scaring them straight with his tales of social media gone awry.
4. United Nations Ambassador to France. Because over there they seem to care less about the manner in which you conduct your private parts.
5. Cast member of Hair. Already accustomed to public nudity.
6. Fitness coach. Hey, Richard Simmons isn’t getting any younger.
Have any other suggestions for our newest member of the “I’ve Been Debriefed By Congress” Club?