Yeah. I bought into the whole Livestrong thing way back when. I rooted for the guy. When I was a health blogger, I even applied to become part of the Livestrong division on a website I will not name. And even though I knew more about omega-3 fatty acids and visceral massage than any civilian has a right to, I was turned down for lacking, I don’t know, something they called the “high Livestrong standards.” Yeah. Irony. But now I have all these Livestrong bracelets. Even though they’re made in China, I hate waste and I’m a recycling girl from way back, so if you’re in my situation as well, here are a few things you can do with them.
- Melt down and make new solidarity bracelet for Manti T’eo.
- Wear inside out until Tibet is free.
- Change to LOVESTRONG and give to marriage equality causes.
- Keep several pairs of socks together in the dryer.
- Physical therapy tool for relieving texting-induced tendonitis in thumbs.
- Pea shooter (Thank you, Carmy!)
- Fit over beverage container of choice to prevent slippage.
- Change to LIVESTRANGE and distribute in Woodstock and Portland. (Kidding. I love you guys.)
- Extra-strength exercise band to build up toe muscles.
- Secure hems of yoga pants so they don’t catch in the StairMaster.
- Bind together several dozen colored pencils or markers to make one big rainbow.
- Bring to the farmer’s market to keep the broccoli stalks from falling apart.
- Beauty pageant sashes for Barbie dolls.
- Change to LIVE LONG AND PROSPER and give away at ComicCon.
- Hairbands for Troy Polamalu.
- Mail them back to Lance Armstrong for a refund. And an apology.
Darn, now I’m gonna hafta get me some.
Want mine? 😉
I don’t know anything about Livestrong, but #13 ‘Beauty pageant sashes for Barbie dolls.’ had me snorting with glee!
Thanks! I was trying to figure out how to say, “Sashes for winners in those weightlifting contests specifically designed for people who don’t juice, because they have those,” but I couldn’t make it work.
lmao – no…. 😉
I’m going with 16 cause it’s my lucky number and I kind of want to kick Lance in the shins.
I want to kick him higher. But the shins will probably hurt worse. Yes, we are now free to make ball jokes.
Laurie, I felt compelled to share this everywhere because it is freakin’ hilarious! Great job…good work
Jacquie, thank you! 😀